I’ve decided I’m totally done with people disappointing me, although somehow I let it go on this long.  I feel like I cannot trust anyone to live up to what little (or a lot) standards are set for a typical friend. None of them are dependable… and yet for some reason, I’m still a good friend to them although they cannot give me that same courtesy.

Maybe I’m just bitter. Maybe I’m pissed I have a midterm tomorrow, followed by another test on Friday, followed by a weekend of solitude where I will more than likely sit around and look back on the wide social circle I had in high school compared to the not so expansive one in college. I thought at first this was a good thing because it meant I had more real friends, but now I am not so sure. More than anything I think I hate that people here don’t ever just like to stay in one night, go out to a movie, or go somewhere else just to hang out…. Instead everyone validates their weekends by seeing how much they drink until they blackout or do something ridiculous they can brag about to all their buddies later. Drinking is fine in moderation, but weekend after weekend it gets old so fast. But there’s no way I’d tell that to my friends or my boyfriend. I go out with them and say nothing, because I do like to go out and spend time with them, and the party scene is fun sometimes, but I don’t know, I guess I’m just irritated that there’s always a party. I wish one weekend there were no parties just to see what we would do.

I already started looking for off-campus housing for next year too. Whitney can’t live off-campus, or so she says, although it’s funny she can’t afford a place not a dorm (when dorms are more expensive)… yet she can afford constant online shopping. Hopefully I’ll find a roommate or 3 on Uloop (3’s a crowd, so I’m thinking 2 or 4 people would be good in an apartment). I hate how I feel like I’m supposed to have this huge social entourage in college, because in reality, I don’t. I have a few close friends and a lot of acquaintances, but most people have their living situations figured out, so I don’t know whether or not anyone else would even be interested in looking for a place. My closest friends are all scattered; some are back home, some are out west, some are at different schools, so it’s not that easy for me to just round up a group and go apartment hunting. All I know is, I refuse to get dicked over the way I did last year… that’s why I’m starting early. So hopefully the early bird does get the worm in my situation.

The weird thing is this weekend was so good! Justin was in town and I spent the majority of it with him, but then somehow during this week I got myself into a slump I can’t seem to climb out of. Hopefully things will look up next week.

So classes are back in session, and I love it.  Where we live is better, the classes are better, the people are better…. EVERYTHING.  I’m so relieved.  I enjoy all of my classes (for the most part) so I don’t mind going.  I’d love to get a job, but I’m afraid of taking on more than I can handle so I’m gonna wait another week or so and see if I still feel like I have time for one, because I sure could use the cash.  It got cold overnight it seems like, luckily I’ll be going home during the week next week to get some things so I’ll be able to pick up some sweaters and my heavy coat, although my winter boots are the most badass (Ed Hardy).  I also got a ton of great new music (Saving Abel & Carolina Liar) so that helps kick off the official school year. 

I think what I’ve liked best so far is seeing everyone back on campus and catching up with them.  I rarely talked to Whitney this summer, so we’ve had a lot of rehashing to do about our boyfriends and such.  Noor is the most intellectual of my friends, so our conversations are mostly geared towards religion and politics (he’s the only friend I have that’s interested in those topics as much as I am so, sort of a given… haha).  I haven’t seen or heard from Anne at all, had lunch with Paul and his still as random and adventurous as ever, hung out with Justin a good bit last weekend, been to Erica’s every Wednesday for Project Runway, and made some new friends too.  I can already tell this year is going to be so amazing in comparison to last year.  Next weekend Whitney and I are making Justin and Eric oatmeal raisin cookies (what are the odds oatmeal raisin cookies are both our boyfriends favorite?), so it’ll be fun actually getting to bake! Especially since it’s for our dudes.

In other news, Andy and Amy are expecting in late March and I’m going to be a bridesmaid in Amanda’s wedding in October!  It’s so exciting (and sort of scary because it means I’m getting older) that my siblings are growing up and actually settling down.  I’ll probably be the last to do all of that, being the youngest, of course.  But that doesn’t bother me; at least I’ve got time on my side to enjoy college for a while and not worry about that sort of thing. 

I think I’ve finally come to terms with Zacc’s death.  It took a little over a year, and at times I still get down about it like anyone would about the loss of a parent, and I’ll always miss him, but somehow I just feel different… happier… at peace with all that has happened.  Although there are moments when I wish it wasn’t so, I’ve accepted the truth, because I’ve realized that all things do happen for a reason, that everything has a cause and effect, and leads you to a certain point in your life.  And I feel like if circumstances were different, I may not be the person I am now.  Looking back, I’ve changed so much since that summer.  I’m not paranoid, touchy, cynical, or seeking self-assurance.  I’m comfortable in my own skin, confident, driven but relaxed, sensitive but laid-back, realistic, and very happy with the life I have and the people in it that make all of its time worthwhile.  I laugh easily and forgive quickly; I give myself more leisure and try to limit my worries.  Most of all, I appreciate who and what I have and strive to be a better person each day… although I think I’m perfectly within my rights to dislike the Jesus-cheerleader in my Sociology of Religions class who snickers and laughs whenever the instructor talks about other religions (really, is that necessary? Have respect… or maturity).

I decided to make a list of some of the things I’d like to do in my life at some point or another, even on a regular basis.  So here it goes (in no particular order):

Attend the Summer Olympics, go to Gallery Hop down on Short North, cook dinner for someone and enjoy it with them (not just mac & cheese: a real dinner), do something nice for someone just because, be as altruistic as possible, see the beauty in my mistakes, laugh, be able to tell a really good joke/story, dominate in Pictionary, live in Italy, travel through Europe, venture through the Australian Outback, take an African Safari, go skiing in the Alps, visit the Amazon and ruins of the Aztecs/Mayans, meet someone famous, attend a college baseball game, work out frequently, drive a Ferrari, go to a spa for a day and get the whole relaxation treatment (massage, facial, everything), get things done in a timely fashion, ride a rollercoaster, receive flowers (cliche, I know, but I’ve never gotten flowers “just because” and it looks awesome in the movies), play football in the Oval, be surprised, go see a stand up comedian (like Robin Williams or Demetri Martin), go to a Jazz Club or Comedy Club, go to a rock concert, see shooting stars, lay on the beach for hours on end, listen to music, climb a mountain, go skydiving, get what I want/need (for once), not hold grudges, let myself go, enjoy myself without worrying all the time, take control, achieve greatness in my career, not let myself be plagued by those certain 7 sins, stay an extra 5 minutes, kiss deeper and longer, hold on tight, conquer my fear of flying, accept death as a part of life, be cared for and empathetic toward others, find friends to share my memories with, make new friends, keep old friends, read a whole book in a day, write something, not be afraid, love unconditionally, have pets (when I get my own place), try something new, be bold, be adventurous, be sensitive, be kind, be fierce, be defiant, be outspoken, be respected, be sexy, be dominated, be successful, be loved, be unique, be a sister, be a best friend, be a total bitch when it’s called for, be a professional, be a wife & a mother (someday), and most of all, be myself.

The title is a song I really like by an Italian rock band called Ligabue… It just fits my mood right now.  I started thinking about this summer compared to summers past.  Things are so different, in good ways and in bad.

Taking classes is a benefit because I’ll get many credits out of the way and be ahead of the game. However, I’m starting to feel drained, figgity, and bored. The only class I can seem to muster any pleasure out of is Italian and that’s simply because of my passion for the culture and the language. I love living in the city because it does not feel as dull and things are so fast paced. The people who live here during the summer seem, in general, more friendly and determined as well. However, because of the lack of people on campus, there is hardly anything to do on weekends or during spare time. And I think the part that is starting to get to me, what I haven’t mentioned, is that I really miss my friends. Because while I’m up here at school trying to get ahead by taking summer classes, they’re at home working and relaxing, so I never see them. The last time I saw my best friends was almost 3 months ago. And I talk to them seldomly; understandable since we’re all busy in the summer… but I have the feeling I’m drifting away from those who I’m closest to, and I hate it. I think the part that irritates me the most is that communication works both ways and even when I put in the effort, they don’t.

People wonder why I work so hard trying to graduate early. Work first, play later. Once I earn my respective degrees and graduate a full year ahead of time, I want to go to Italy and live for a year. I had this epiphany this morning while walking to class. What better of a way to enjoy life and prepare for my career than to live for a year in the country that I’ll be working in/doing business in through the Department of State? I could work and travel the country, taking in all the sites, sounds, and customs, along with mentally jotting down my favorite cities if I can narrow them down. I almost wish I was graduating after this quarter just so I could get started. Mi sento questo il solo percorso cercare pace interno.

Other than that, everything has been going well. The weather has been sensational, although next week it’s supposed to be abnormally hot and humid. I decided this fall I’m going to take up working out at the RPAC on a regular basis so I can continue to stay active through the winter (by winter, I’ll have my own routine figured out). It’ll get me out of my place too and on the go. I might pick up a job at the American Eagle at Easton too a couple nights a week. I have time to think about it, but I’m excited for this fall. I’m sad summer’s coming to an end though. Because I’ve been taking classes, I haven’t really had much of a summer to relax or just lay around by the pool all day like I did in the past. I miss it sometimes.

Dear Zacc,

I used to write to you more frequently, but life has been so chaotic.  Now I understand why you were so stressed all the time.  Andy and Amy’s wedding was beautiful; you would’ve loved it.  I wish I could’ve had a few drinks with you.  It’s funny, for the first time in years I saw my dad and mom’s sides of the family getting along as if they were still family.  Mom’s parents didn’t show up; but I’m sure you’re not surprised.  You would appreciate Andy standing up for her and me taking their side; you always sought to protect her.  I think since you weren’t here to, Andy felt he should, and I’m glad.  He’s on his honeymoon with Amy in Sarisota, Florida.  I’m jealous; I wish I was at a beach. 

Speaking of beaches, I’m going to California in September!  I’m going to stay with Tacy; she lives in LA.  I know you went to UCLA for a while, I wish I knew what bars you were a bartender at in college… I’d love to see them and envision you in your early 20’s flirting with bleach blondes for good tips on Saturday nights.  I’m sure it’s everything you said it was and more.  One day I think I’ll live out west.  You always wanted to and I can see why… I’d like to build your dream house too if I make the money I’m planning on making.  Mom came up for my birthday last week.  We went to an Italian restaurant at Easton that you would’ve been crazy about; live jazz band, kids playing in the front courtyard, and exquisite food for reasonable prices.  I wish you would’ve lived to see me hit my 20’s.  You would shake your head at my bright red hair and probably grow a few more grey hairs at the sight of my tattoos.  I got my fourth tattoo today actually, right across from the butterfly I got with your initials, but it’s amazing!  I’m actually thinking of dying my hair back to brunette at some point, I just don’t know when.  It’s fun to be rebellious at this point in my life, because after college, I actually have to follow some rules and take on real responsibilities, like bills.  But while I can, I figure I might as well bend them a bit and live life on the edge like you did: traveling, meeting people, being spontaneous and laid-back and enjoying yourself… minus the experimental drugs of the 70’s, haha. 

When I go to Italy in a few years, I’m sure I’ll see you in the little things.  Especially when I venture to your hometown of Barisciano to meet your family and explain who I am.  I’m sure they’re wonderful people or your parents wouldn’t have received as many letters they did that I found while sifting through what few pictures of you we have.  You always hated having your picture taken and I never knew why; I always thought you were photogenic.  It makes your pictures that much more valuable.  More than anything, I wonder what life would be like if you were still here.  Would it be better or worse?  Is it really fate that guides us?  I don’t know.  I can only hope there really are reasons that are much too elaborate for me to understand.  A popular Italian question is “hai bisogno nel cassetto?” or “what is your secret wish?”  My wish is that you were here, even for just one day, there is so much I wish I could have your advice on. 

I think we’ve done the best we could without you here to guide us.  You were always our anchor back to reality when everything else seemed uncertain.  There are so many questions I wish I would’ve asked that I still need the answers to.  You always had an unbiased, sensible, worldly way of looking at the big picture and knowing exactly how to handle things.  I’m sorry you were cheated out of the retirement and leisure travel you deserved, but hopefully you’re enjoying a different kind of retirement now. 

I love you forever.  I miss you always.

So when Ellie moved out a week or so after summer classes began, Erica and I never expected to follow a few weeks following. I don’t want to get into the details, all I’m going to say is that I hope I never have to experience anything close to that ever again. It helps that Erica was in the same boat, so at least I wasn’t the only one. I’m so emotionally, mentally, and physically drained from everything that’s happened over the past 2 weeks with our other roommate that I just want to sleep for about 3 days straight. The worst part is, we didn’t do anything and we had to be the ones to leave. Must be nice to be an athlete and have the university kiss your feet. Our new place isn’t that bad, but it sucks because compared to what we had before, it’s sufficiently smaller.

On the bright side, Noor and I are getting tattoos over the next 2 weeks! Haha, I love how I thought I was stopping at 3… but after seeing Angelina Jolie’s new movie and coming up with an awesome idea (so strong… so delicate) where Angie has her pagan cross, with a sun with the symbol for Leo in it (my rising sign) and a moon with the symbol of cancer in it (my actual sign), Noor made a sweet design I couldn’t say no to.  The “so delicate” is mirrored so it looks like it’s written backwards, underneath the “so strong.” I’m so pumped; it’s going to be badass.

The bachelorette party is this weekend for Amy, my future sister-in-law. Then next weekend is she and my brother’s wedding! I’m excited! The last time I was in a wedding, I was 2, so I don’t remember a whole lot. And I’ve never been to a bachelorette party so that should be a learning experience.

Classes have been really good. Brittney and I go to Panera every morning between Bio and History lectures to get our usual bagels and hang out. Despite having an unpleasant roommate experience that caused Erica and I to move, I feel like over the summer I’ve made friends that are lasting. Next year I can tell I’ll be at Erica, Derek, and Justin’s quite a bit, which will be about a block away from where Whitney and I are living. I can’t wait for her to meet them too, I think they’ll all really like her and vice versa. It’s been nice having Noor around too; he’s one of the only people that shares my appreciation for dark humor.

Looks like I’ll get to see Ryan this weekend. He’s stopping through with Kyle and Alex for a late lunch/early dinner sort of deal. They’re going to Kyle’s younger sister’s graduation party and will be passing through, but it’ll be cool to show them around campus. Sometimes I forget how nice OSU is until people who don’t go here point out how much they like it.

Other than that, in allusion to the movie Meet Joe Black, I think lightning struck this past weekend.

Ciao! I’m done with class for the week! I wish all my classes could be like my summer ones… and with the weather too.  My other roommate moved in, Chelsea, and she’s really cool; runs track for OSU.  I really like all my roommates, which is a relief compared to the girls that lived down the hall from me last year.  Contrary to my past classes, I’ve made friends in my summer classes that seem like really great people.  I think that’s the best part about going to school on a big campus: it’s a guarantee that I’ll meet new people and have chances to make friends. 

The weather has been amazing.  Sunny, clear, high of 75, gorgeous.  I hope the summer stays this way for a while, since I won’t be hitting a beach until late August or September at best.  The walks to classes have been pleasant too; campus is empty, but it’s nice in a way.  At some point this summer I decided I have to try Buckeye Doughnuts.  I hear they’re legendary.  Another thing I’m making a point of doing is taking time out of every day to relax, at least for an hour.  I’ve been so busy that my stress actually started enducing chest pains (yeah, who knew anxiety/stress could affect physical health), so that’s a red flag that I need to slow things down a bit.  I went to Barnes & Noble to get some books to read in my spare/relax time and found some really good ones which I’m sure I’ll make reviews of in later posts. 

My classes first term of summer: Biology 101, Political Science 501 (the American Presidency), and History 181 (BC-1500s).  I’ll start with Biology: I learn absolutely nothing in lectures or labs, so most of what I’m learning is going to be from reading the textbook.  The TA is pretty cool though, kind of cute too actually, so at least labs won’t be too bad, which so far have consisted of making beetles run in straight lines.  Fascinating.  Political Science is amazing.  The professor teaching it is hilarious, fun, knowledgable, and passionate about what he’s teaching, which makes the class that much more interesting.  Today, talking about powers of the Presidents, he was talking about how presidents can’t stop natural disasters and then countered that with, “well actually, I believe Dick Cheney could summon the forces of evil.”  Since I print out his lecture slides before class, I’m going to try to keep a running tab of his quotes.  We ended the lecture today by watching Saturday Night Live, the “debate” between GWB & Al Gore.  The only thing I’m not looking for in that class is a term paper.  Blah.  But I don’t have to worry about that until August.  Lastly, history.  Sigh.  I love history, but somehow every instructor I have is dull, dry, and discusses the subject material in such a way that it makes me want to find the nearest sharp object and shove it in my ear.  Not only does this guy talk as silently as a whisper, but his accent is so terrible none of us know what he’s saying anyway (no offense to accents, I have a deep appreciation for other cultures and I’m not being intolerant, only honest).  Oh, and he just reads whatever is on his lecture slides, which isn’t really teaching us anything.  At least our only grades in there are a midterm and a final.

I’m so happy I don’t have class on Fridays this term.  Even next term, I only have class until 10:18, so it won’t be that different.  I’ll probably use the extra day for reading, studying, or relaxing on the Oval.  Summer is my favorite season mostly for this reason; it’s the easiest time of year to relax outdoors.  In the winter it’s too cold and going from place to place gets people salty, wet, and unhappy.  In the summer, these problems don’t exist.  Everyone is carefree, active, and friendly.  I love it.  Right now, I’m loving life.  The only thing I really miss are my friends.  They’re all at home for the summer or at other schools.  I really like the new friends I’ve made here, but I miss the usuals that came around.  But altogether, I’d say it’s been the best first week of any quarter I’ve had so far. 

(Sunday) So since OSU wireless is down right now, I’m writing my blog in a word document to later be copied and pasted on my site. I just moved into my summer place and it’s nothing short of sensational. I have a feeling spoiling me with a fully functional kitchen (stove, dishwasher, huge fridge, bar) is going to make moving into Drackett this fall a lot more difficult. I’m supposed to have 3 roommates, so far I’ve met 2 and they seem nice. The one I’m supposed to share my bedroom/bathroom with hasn’t showed up yet, so maybe her classes don’t start until Tuesday and she’s moving in Monday? I’m clueless, the only thing I know is that I’m organized, relaxed in my new place, and ready to start classes. Monday won’t be too bad, I only have a history lecture and biology lab. Tuesdays and Thursdays are my busy days, from 8:30 – 3:18 I have 3 classes consecutively with 12 minute breaks in between. I guess I’ll learn to eat lunch pretty quickly. It just feels good to be back on campus…. although it’s deserted. It’s almost eerie not seeing crowds of people on every corner, but on the bright side, less lines to fight and more room to breathe.

I went to my cousin’s wedding this weekend, and let me tell you, I didn’t realize that many people cried at weddings. I can understand the bride, the groom when he first sees her, and the mothers. But the maids of honor were crying so much giving their speeches that no one could understand what they were saying. I’m glad my brother’s best man speech was hilarious, it got people in the right mood to party. If I ever get married, I’m not letting my maid of honor turn into a bag of tears giving her toast/speech. Reversely, if I’m ever the maid of honor in a wedding, which so far is Anne’s whenever she gets hitched, I’m going to make it light-hearted and sweet. Hysterically crying is for funerals, not weddings. However, this did get me really excited for my brother’s wedding next month since it’s the first time I’ll be a bridesmaid.

Speaking of Anne, she got me to watch the craziest movie I’ve ever seen in my life the other night: Cloverfield. I never really had a desire to see it, mostly because one of my friends from Baton Rouge told me the ending and that he hated it, but it was surprisingly better than I anticipated. It wasn’t great, but it wasn’t terrible either. I really liked the storyline, how it followed the same few characters throughout the catastrophe, the effects, b-list cast (I like that there were no a-list actors, made for better acting), and not showing right away what exactly “it” is. I understand it was necessary for the guy to be “carrying” the camera to get the effect that the “tape“ was found, but halfway through the movie I had the worst headache from the angles being so shaky. The most frustrating part for me was that they never actually say what the thing is that attacks Manhattan, how it got there, or if the military was able to kill it off. I won’t ruin the ending, but I’ll just say it was vague, which I’m sure is what the writers were going for. I wouldn’t classify Cloverfield as a scary movie, but one that freaks you out in the sort of “what would I do if I were in that situation?” sort of way. Not an ideal movie to watch alone at night: a good rental, but seeing it once is enough, or at least it was for me. However, if you’re a sci-fi kind of person who enjoys watching movies dealing with terrifying, creepy creatures that have the ability to annihilate entire cities and exterminate the human race, this movie was made just for you.

Don’t you love how whenever you can get on the internet whenever you want, you ignore it, but when you realize you don’t have a connection, you freak out slightly and think of all the things you’d like to be doing that requires a connection? Makes me really happy I have an iPhone so I can update my facebook status and check my email. It sucks the cable is out too right now, so it looks like I’ll be checking the weather on my phone too. Everything’s supposed to be up and running by the end of the week, so hopefully it’ll work out that way. I haven’t been to any of my classes yet, so I don’t have any homework to do… I’m not used to having idle time to do nothing. I started reading the Sign of Seven Trilogy by Nora Roberts over my short break, and today I just broke into the second book. It’s somewhat strange, very eerie, but Nora Roberts has a tendency to intertwine magic and paranormal themes in her novels. If the girl I’m sharing my bedroom with shows up during the daylight hours, I’ll leave to give her space to move in and go read by Mirror Lake; it’d be a nice day for it. Totally clear blue sky. Ah, I’ve missed the city.

So Spring quarter is over!  I couldn’t be happier to be out of Stradley.  Wow, I hated my floor.  Even certain ones from other floors (the Awkward Matts of the world), were getting to be too much to tolerate.  I hope if I have any roommates over the summer that they’re okay; not normal, normal can be boring and ordinary.  I don’t really have a liking for anything too ordinary.  It sort of feels good to be home.  It’s nice laying out by the pool getting a real tan, but it takes much longer and the weather has been really muggy, sticky hot.  Tanning beds are just easier, quicker, and less of a hassel… also more dangerous.  I love to live my life dangerously, and since the chances of me ending up a world-class assassin, this is the best I can do.  Although I am looking into knife/sword fighting classes over the next few years.  Why not?  It would be so badass: knowing how to fight with knives.  Anyone can shoot a gun; knives/swords/something sharp takes skill. 

Not much else is new.  Whenever I do come home, I notice I never really go out of my way to reconnect with old high school friends, which is odd because I thought I would.  Nothing personal, I just have a different life now and I’ve changed a lot; I’m sure they have too.  People who didn’t leave the OV after high school are still exactly the way there were, they way everyone is in the valley: pretentious, judgmental, overly critical, getting hung up on petty b.s. that won’t matter a year from now, and obsessed with what everyone else thinks about them.  It’s sad really, I feel like if I would’ve grown up somewhere else I could’ve grown up stress-free.  There is one thing I love about coming home for brief visits: DiCarlos pizza.  Only from the Grove though.  It’s just not the same anywhere else.

I was assigned to a 2 bedroom, 4 person apartment, with A/C and a kitchen!  I’m so excited I’ll be able to cook this summer!  I don’t know if I’ll have any roommates or not, so unless housing emails me before Sunday, I guess I’ll find out then.  I’m anxious to get back to the city and get into my summer routine of classes, working, and exercising.  Since I have to diet for my acid reflux anyway, I might as well get toned and stay fit too.  I figure there won’t be much else to do on an empty campus on the weekends besides hitting the gym anyway.  I’ve had a lot of people say they’re going to visit me this summer, which would be awesome, but I had the same amount of people tell me they would visit me during the year last year who didn’t find the time… so who knows.

I have a short break between quarters, but it’s only just enough time to fit in doctor’s appointments, alterations, picking up odds & ends, and packing for when I move into my new place Sunday.  I’ve only had one day to really DO NOTHING and relax.  I have to go through bins and decide what to take back tomorrow; I wish I knew how I accumulated all this stuff.  It’s truly amazing, because I don’t remember buying half of it or receiving any of it from other people.  Maybe the same gnomes in the dorm that stole my socks on laundry day gave it all to me. 

I said in the last blog I’d talk about friends in this one… so I will.  But first, I should define the difference between a friend and an acquaintance.  An acquaintance is someone you talk to or hang out with from time to time, perhaps met in one of your classes, and sometimes if there’s a party or something going on they’ll give you a call and say to stop by if you want.  They’re people you’ve met that you can easily put into one category because you know just about the same information about each of them: where they’re from, what they’re studying, who they’re dating, maybe what sports they like, but nothing really presonal.  Acquaintances are necessary because they not only extend your social network, even if you only see or speak to them once a month at best, but they can also offer the unbiased opinion your searching for to certain issues where your friends almost always take your side.  Friends, on the other hand, are less easily acquired.  It takes a long period of time to establish a true friendship, along with disagreements, acceptance, and compromise on both ends.  Friends know each other inside out, and after reaching a certain point, will be willing to tell you the truth even if it’s what you don’t want to hear.  That’s what I like the best about my friends.  They aren’t afraid to disagree with me.  They’re willing to put me in my place if I become irrational and pull me back to reality.  And most importantly, when everything else in my life was uncertain, they kept me motivated, determined, and optimistic.

I’m generally very easy to get along with, or so I’ve been told.  However, I’m very selective about those who I consider close enough friends to confide in.  It’s funny how long it takes to build up trust in someone, and how easily it can be broken, so I’m very cautious.  I’ve had too many instances where those I considered friends covertly betrayed me, one incident being the I-only-thought-that-happened-in-movies-thing where one of my best friends slept with the guy I was kind of dating.  Twice.  After experiences like that, needless to say, it became harder for me to believe real friends still existed.  Luckily, I was proven wrong.  However, it should be mentioned that my friends (at least the girl ones) fit in this quote: “My friends are the kind that if my house was burning down, they’d be roasting marshmellows and hitting on the firemen.”

I’ll start with Anne.  Why?  We’ve been best friends since third grade and I’m the closest thing to a sister she has.  She’s almost as blunt as I am, which is great, because usually people can’t stand that about me.  We’ve had our share of disagreements, but after 10 years, we know too many of each other’s secrets not to be friends.  Plus she’s the philosophical, light-hearted, at times blindly-optimistic, perspective I need.  I take life too seriously, and she doesn’t take it seriously enough.  And she’s great to party with… until she ditches you at TKE at 3 AM so you can walk home 8 blocks alone.  I’m lucky I’m not dead, but it’s okay, because it’s Anne.  And I’m still alive.  Just like everyone has their strengths, my friends have their flaws.  Anne is a little irresponsible, I’m not going to list reasons here because they’re inappropriate, but if you’re reading this darling, I’m not referring to your scholastic work…. =)

Another blonde I’ll mention up front is Whitney.  Mia compagna di mia casa… and she’s sort of like me, except Republican, religious, uninterested in politics, loves Nazis and 80’s music, and is remotely intolerant.  We’ve had plenty of arguments: I still get shit for saying I hated how Catholic she was.  She felt guilty over eating a cookie at 9 PM, and I’m sorry, I don’t think God’s going to smite you for having a cookie past dinnertime.  Anyway, we’ve both had a really rough year so we’re able to relate on a lot, which helps.  Some days when you feel like you have more or worse problems than others, it helps to know someone else is in the same boat.  Whitney isn’t the Disney-chaser Anne is, so she’s much more of a reality check.  And I promise there’s a reason I’m listing one flaw with each friend, Whitney’s is that she is way too passive.  Her friends from back home ditch her and are bitches to her behind her back, but she won’t say anything to avoid conflict.  Lady Insane, if you’re reading this, you know it’s the truth, you’ve got brass balls so “go out and get some strange ass” (quoting your boyfriend).

Dana and Tacy I’m going to put in the same cluster.  They’re still not speaking to each other, although they were best friends from grade school, but they’re so much alike: spontaneous, flirty, glamorous, sassy, and boy crazy.  The only difference is Tacy lives on the coast of Cali with her boyfriend, all hopped up in the fashion scene… Dana’s still in Ohio, but just as determined to leave.  I really wish you two would resolve your differences, that’s all I’m putting for a flaw: being too stubborn to work things out.  Unfortunately, I don’t see these two very much because of the distance factor.

Now I’ll mention the few guys I would consider good friends.  It’s ironic, because I think it’s easier to be friends with a guy than it is to be friends with a girl.  Guys, in general, are more agreeable, less dramatic, and much more laid-back and easygoing.  No wonder they’re scared shitless of us in groups. 

Travis & Skrabak were 85-90% of who I hung out with my entire senior year and summer leading up to my start at college.  Like brothers to me, at my house every day during the summer, always at each other’s houses on weekends.  Travis is pretty metro, always trying to “look hot” and spoiling his girlfriend with things she doesn’t need or ask for, and a Diamondbacks fan like me.  He’s fun in a 5 year old kid at the zoo kind of way, if that makes sense… easily excited, easily amused, easily distracted, and easily angered.  Skrabak is much more laid-back.  Anymore laid-back and he would be in a coma.  Sports crazy and can’t get enough of my peanut butter fudge.  Not really a good person to seek out for advice (“I dunno” is the typical response), but always funny, down for whatever, always wanting to bang my friends.  They made my birthday last year the best I can remember: surprising me with presents, baking me brownies at my house, and watching movies.  It was especially sweet of them since it was the first major holiday since Zacc died, so I wasn’t looking forward to it… but they made it worthwhile.  Flaws: Travis, being metro, is moody.  Skrabak never shows emotion.  It’s like they used to be one person and somehow got split in half into complete opposites.

Ryan and I have a peculiar friendship, almost like pen pals.  We haven’t actually hung out for 3 or 4 years (I think), but we have good talks and generally agree on a lot.  Oddly enough, every time we attempt to plan a weekend to hang out and check out each other’s respective campuses, some insane incident happens to put a halt to our plans.  I’m sure it’ll work out one of these days, but until then superpoke wars will suffice.  Ryan’s the only one of my friends that has a ligitimate plan for his life, like knowing and working towards the job he wants.  It’s refreshing to see someone else who knows what they want out of life, even if it’s only a vague idea.  It doesn’t make me feel like such a square.  Always has the latest new tunes, determined, driven by routines, creative, funny, honest… and loves cars.  I can’t wait to see the look on his face when I confess I like to desecrate really nice sports cars in my free time.  Just kidding!  Or am I?…  Flaw: Steelers fan.  It’s okay, not everyone can be perfect by cheering for a team that’s had a losing season each year since it re-entered the franchise… =/

Paul!  Where would I be without Paul.  Eating coldstone cake and reading quotes from Cosmopolitan magazine has never been more entertaining.  Probably one of the first friends I made here at school, and I’ve never met anyone as adventurous or interesting.  His life would make a hit tv show.  On the first nice day of spring, he put on his Superman costume from Halloween and ran around campus, just because, and those things are totally normal for this kid, and he pulls it off without being weird or creepy.  Forfeiting a Senior trip to ride all the way from Ohio to Florida on a 10-speed bike, Paul’s life is filled with random quests into the unknown, one of which led him into the vagina of one of my friends not listed above (hahaha).  Yeah, sure you were tricked into it… Anyway, a visit from Paul breaks the monotony to any day, I’ll miss it next year when he won’t be down the hall to saunter into our room singing Kelly Clarkson or OneRepublic.  Flaw:  I fall asleep on his futon right next to him, my friend, his roommate, and my other friend, and it’s creepy to think him and the one friend started messing around right next to me as I was sleeping before they took it to the study room.  But hey, at least I didn’t get the nickname. =D

The reason I mentioned flaws (with the girls, who have more realistic ones) is because I feel friendship is a balance of give and take.  I can take more lessons on how to lighten up from Paul and Anne, and I can give them a sense of direction.  So with each flaw, at least the ones my girl friends have, I try to help them overcome and learn from it, the same way that they help me to learn from my imperfections. 

And to think the only part I’ve completed for this paper is the works cited page… =x